It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to calm my uterus...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
