Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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