is your mom at the bar?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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