We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
