My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
