I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
