You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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