i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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