I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
