She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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