Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize