well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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