She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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