So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize