I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
