hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
