I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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