my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
