I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
