Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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