M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
