she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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