Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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