Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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