i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
