i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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