I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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