I heard we made out
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
