the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize