Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
