It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
