oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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