I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
