he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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