I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
