No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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