tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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