Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
