If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
