I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
