She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You can't special order awesome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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