I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
