I wish I only lived at night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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