wrigley field is MILF paradise
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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