just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
