somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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