Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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