We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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