My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
