I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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