Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
