You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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