I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
