Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
