I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
