My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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