Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
