We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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