He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
