Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
