Swine flu. Run for my life!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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