I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
