i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
