He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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