I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
