saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cut my penus on the lid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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