I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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