just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
